Guest Blog: Do You Ever Just Feel Like Yelling At Someone?

Do you ever feel like just yelling at someone?

That being said, let’s get the psycho-analytical issue out of the way and remove the question of whether or not there is some deep-seeded, unresolved issue that needs professional attention.  There may be truth to that suggestion within each of us, but you have to admit…sometimes you simply want to yell at someone.  You know…let ‘em know how you feel!

For me, these “someones” can generally be summed up into the following categories:

1) My kids (for some, this could include “the dog”)

2) My wife (for some, this could include “the boss”)

3) Strangers…or persons who should remain anonymous

4) God

Let’s break this down further…

THE KIDS:

What are some of the precursors to yelling at the kids?

• Leaving toys in the middle of the floor;
• Leaving a dent in the wall/scratch on the table/stain on the rug;
• Forgetting to turn off the lights/flush the toilet/close the refrigerator door; and…the most nearly-unforgiveable…
• Waking me up at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning!

MY WIFE:

What are some of the precursors for wanting to yell at my wife?

• Why can’t she understand why I don’t understand her?
• Asking me to come help clean up the kitchen, take out the trash, put the kids to bed, get the house cleaned in preparation for guests coming over, or putting my shoes away – when I clearly just sat down to rest in front of the television.
• Putting her cold feet against mine in the middle of the night.
• Getting on my nerves…whatever that means.  Just seems like a nice, all-encompassing blanket statement.

STRANGERS:

What are some of the precursors for wanting to yell at a complete stranger?

• Traffic: getting cut-off; getting slowed down; having someone pull up behind you and honk or do the little flashing-the-headlights in your mirror to say “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” thing; swerving into your lane while texting or putting on their lipstick.
• Bringing their cart with 500 items into the lane that is clearly marked “10 items or less.”
• Cigarette smoking in a public place.
• People who act abusive/degrading to their children or spouse.

GOD:

What are some of the precursors for wanting to yell at God?

• Not fixing my problems when I want Him to.
• Not eliminating people who are seemingly out to get me.
• Asking me to do the impossible.
• Changing the road map of life…without asking.

Interestingly enough, when I see these ideas written down, my thoughts begin to shift and turn.  It’s actually rather embarrassing.  In fact, I wonder what would happen if God looked at us (okay, me) through these lenses?  For example:

US, HIS KIDS:

• Leaving toys in the middle of the floor – this could be correlated to so many angles of our lives as His “kids.” What do we leave in the middle of the floor? What tasks do we leave for others to do?  How messy do we leave things – simply because we are careless and even lazy at times?
• Leaving a dent in the wall/scratch on the table/stain on the rug – this one hurts a little.  How often do we simply and carelessly handle the things of God…or the people of God?  I’ve spilled a lot, dented a lot, and have disregarded the quality of God’s handiwork in ways that deserve a good scolding.
• Forgetting to turn off the lights/flush the toilet/close the refrigerator door – seriously…we waste so much.  Okay, I’ll personalize it…I waste a lot.  In a society/culture that has so many resources available – its too easy to take advantage of those resources and to assume that they’ll always be there.  This has produced a very weak sense of godly stewardship in many senses.
• Waking me up at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning – I know that we are taught that “there is no such thing as something too big or little with God,” but really…don’t you think that some of the things we bring to Almighty God are just pesky things that we could take care of without bugging Him?  Not really wanting to go into a huge theological debate on that issue, let me simplify what I’m thinking about with this analogy.  My kids are at an age and a level of competency in our house that they can fend for themselves on a Saturday morning…at least until 9:00 a.m.  There is no need for them to wake me up early.  I love them. I know they’re ok.  They have everything they need.  I mean really…get yourself a PopTart or a bowl of cereal, play a game, watch a cartoon…I’ll see you soon!  I simply would LOVE the respect from knowing they understand me and the value of having the luxury of sleeping in those precious 2 hours.  I could draw this out further – but in some senses, I find myself bugging God sometimes, simply to remind Him that I’m there.  I think less about what He needs than what my “needs” are.  I don’t really think about the implications of His consistency and character as I do of my neediness.  Ick!…I can be so selfish…

MY WIFE – the person I love most in this world:

• Not understanding why I don’t understand her – we have thousands of years of Biblical history; we have evidence of God working in our own lives; we have seen His character proven over and over again…and with tremendous audacity, we say things like, “I’m trying to figure out the mind of God,” or “I’m just trying to understand God’s will.”  Do you think God ever just wants to yell, “What don’t you understand!!!???”
• Asking me to come help clean up the kitchen, take out the trash, put the kids to bed, get the house cleaned in preparation for guests coming over, or putting my shoes away – when I clearly just sat down to rest in front of the television.  Okay…I deserve the “Giant Clod of the Year” award after actually putting that into print.  However, I should receive that award after standing in line behind millions of other male recipients.  People have written volumes of books on how to fix this broken male mentality, to no avail.  Now, imagine (sarcasm implied here) the audacity of God to ask us to lift a finger to help out in the Kingdom!  I won’t drag this out – you can make the dozens of correlations with this thought…we can be such clods!
• Putting her cold feet against mine in the middle of the night – alright, this might be a stretch, but in this picture, I imagine God simply longing to be close to us – no matter the discomfort.  Picture Him thinking, “Okay, this might seem unpleasant at first, but our intimacy will overshadow that unbelievably.” He LONGS to be as close as possible so that we can feel Him in our lives and He can absorb us into His.  And we complain because it wakes us up in the middle of the night.
• Getting on my nerves…whatever that means.  Just seems like a nice, all-encompassing blanket statement…oh, dear Lord!  Please do not reveal to me all the times that I get on your nerves.  I’m so feeble minded, weak, and complaining.  What on earth can we do to stop focusing on ourselves and actually attempt to look at the world through the eyes of God?  Okay, Joel: Eyes off of self.  Eyes on Jesus.  Live like Him – life is better.

STRANGERS:

• Traffic: getting cut-off; getting slowed down; having someone pull up behind you and honk or do the little flashing-the-headlights in your mirror to say “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” thing; swerving into your lane while texting or putting on their lipstick.  Seriously – don’t act like you’re all innocent on this one…you know how I feel!  Now, slam on the brakes…I have to look at myself in the proverbial rearview mirror on this one.  I can’t tell you how many times a day I’m tempted to do these things to God.  Implying to God, “HURRY UP!  I have somewhere important to get to…here’s a reminder that I’m behind you and need you to speed up.”  Or even better, getting caught up doing something reckless and dangerous while on the journey – putting others and myself at risk of a crash.
• Bringing their cart with 500 items into the lane that is clearly marked “10 items or less.”  This may be a stretch…but sometimes my cart of things I bring to God is so full of junk and stuff that I don’t need.  And, I’m so inconsiderate of others who are coming to Him at the same time.  Can’t I get it right?  Can’t I keep it simple and to the basics?  And where is my offering – what am I bringing as an act of gratitude or a heart of thankfulness?  Am I considering others who are on the journey, as well?
• Cigarette smoking in a public place.  I admit it…my attitude stinks and (often) I carelessly share it with others.  My second-hand “smoke” has caused more damage than I care to know.  It’s hard to quit smoking, I’ve heard.  It’s even more difficult to stop breeding cynicism and negativity.  I have been the chief of sinners in this arena…oh, my.  Stop it!
• People who act abusive/degrading to their children or spouse.  Okay – this one is easy to get into the finger pointing category.  I can fill pages of allegations about people who have been abused or neglected by the church.  Even worse, I can draw a list of “guilty” pastors and church leaders.  I, of course, have to add my name under the “T” category…Tooley, Joel – on both lists, abused and abuser.  What a sad, sad reflection on people who call themselves Christ-followers.  This is not Christlike at all.

GOD:

• Not fixing my problems when I want Him to.  Seriously, Joel?  Do you even have a basic understanding of how God desperately wants you to cling to Him in a loving, grace-flowing relationship?  If you did…you would understand what role “problem-fixing” plays in this relationship.
• Not eliminating people who are seemingly out to get me.  Ha!  The comedy of this allegation of God.  Have you read the Old Testament lately?  Have you flipped through the pages of the New Testament in recent days?  I wouldn’t encourage you to ask God to begin eliminating your perpetrators.  I am learning daily what it means to see “these people” through the lenses of a God who loves every creation of His.
• Asking me to do the impossible…I still haven’t learned.  Who am I to think that something is “impossible.”  I have yet to encounter that impossible situation with God.  He truly is limitless in what He can do.
• Changing the road map of life…without asking.  I laughed at myself for actually writing that line.  I guess when we sing or say things like, “Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to (you);” we should either list our disclaimers or be truly vulnerable and blazingly honest in our surrender.  Whatever you want me to do, wherever you want me to go, whatever you want me to say, whoever you want me to connect with, whenever you want to use me…Lord, I am Yours.  No screaming or yelling – just trusting.

Well, now I don’t feel like yelling so much, after all.  Instead, I find myself very hungry for grace – undeserved.  I guess I’ll lay aside my urge to yell at someone.

Just don’t cut me off in traffic.

Joel P. Tooley -  Youth In Mission

http://thetooleyfamily.blogspot.com/

How Do You Start & Maintain New Disciplines?

Fall has arrived.  The sunny warm / hot days are battling it out with the more crisp and cool days.  Perhaps mirroring this battle of the seasons is the internal battle from summer to fall.If you’re anything like me, there is a process of adjusting from the more leisurely summer schedule to the structured and sometimes full fall schedule.  I’m interested in what steps you take to adjust to a new schedule and what practices you put in place to help you reduce the number of “hiccups” or “fumbles” through the transition from one season of life to the next.  Do you set a backup alarm away from your bed to insure you get up on time?  Do you have a helper, be it a friend, a spouse or a child who holds you accountable to your promises or new expectations?

There is a striking similarity between our adjustment to new seasons, schedules and environs and the process we put in place to grow intellectually and spiritually.  We come to a point where remaining static or stationary in our learning or growing is distasteful, at least, unbearable at most.  We know that change is needed, but do we know how to bring about that change?  Can we solve the problem on our own?  Will a trip to the self-help section of the library or bookstore move us ahead?  Perhaps.

I offer up these few suggestions from my own experience in the hope that they will serve you well in your journey to growth.

1. First, know what you hope to accomplish through change and discipline. Attempting a new discipline or habit without desired outcome(s) in mind is futile and foolish.  In other words, know what your destination is before you plan your journey there. Let me explain.  I’m feeling somewhat achy and lethargic.  It’s not because I’m ill.  It’s because I’m overweight.  I want to feel better physically, having more energy, not to mention having a better self-image.  Thus, I am ready to map out a plan to achieve the weight loss in order to accomplish these goals.
2. Second, engage disciplines that will best bring about the desired outcomes.  In other words, pick the best vehicle and fuel to get you to your destination.  We’ll stick with my weight loss as our example.  I’ve now spoken with my physician about my weight and received a recommendation for cardio and strength  training, as well as adjusting my intake in order to battle the bulge.  Knowing my desired outcome of weighing less, feeling better physically and mentally, I heed the words of my trainer and my doctor, “Move more. Eat Less.”  I’ve established a doable goal of working out at the fitness center for no less than 1 hour each time.  Partnering this discipline with making sure my meals are balanced, with appropriate portions & no snacking after 7 PM and I’m headed in the right direction.
3. Share your plan with someone. In sharing your plan, your process and your desired outcome with someone, you increase the likelihood that you will proceed with the journey.  I recommend sharing this plan with a trusted friend, spouse, partner, or counselor/coach.  These are people that we know and they know us well enough to question why we are deviating from our plan if we start to falter.  Going back to my weight loss, I told my wife, son and daughter about my desire to lose 40 – 50 pounds and my plan for doing so.  I explained why I wanted to lose weight and they agreed with my goal and plans.  There is no one less forgiving or more strict than a five year old who knows her daddy isn’t doing what he said he’d do.  This positive peer pressure/accountability is helping me to succeed (I’ve lost 25 pounds. I’m half way there).
4. Celebrate/Commemorate your successes. In other words, if you want your healthy discipline to become a habit, you must positively reinforce the results of the discipline. Sometimes the feeling of fulfillment is sufficient, but most of the time, if we want the disciplines employed to accomplish our goal to remain a habit for us, our brain requires a deeper/greater acknowledgment for what has been accomplished.  In fact, many times mini-celebrations all along the path to success will help insure the discipline becomes habit.  My journey to greater health and lesser girth is experiencing these mini-celebrations by little victory dances with my daughter.  She supervises my weigh in and then cheers and dances with me when I’ve achieved more weight loss. Please note that celebrating victory does not include the breaking of the discipline or habit employed to achieve the victory. Breaking the habit by eating a monster bowl of ice cream would defeat me in accomplishing my goal, as well as teach my daughter that I only eat healthy when I want to lose weight.

I hope these little hints for forming new habits serve you well as you step forward into your future.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to hit the gym.  My daughter will be waiting for me when I get home, and I want less of me weighting for her.

Let me know how you do.  I’d love to celebrate with you.

djt

So what’s the big deal about money?

Having grown up in a home where reading the Bible daily was not just an expectation but a practice, I and my brothers learned a lot about Life, Love, and money from The Word.

With that in mind I point you to a post by blogger Bob Lotitch on  his site ChristianPF.com.  Check out his list of 250 verses on money, http://christianpf.com/money-in-the-bible/

You would do well to heed these words from The Word.